Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
