im drinking this country out of the recession.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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