what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
