did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I AM VODKA MAN
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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