this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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