Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
