Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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