I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it glows. i had to have it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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