Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
