when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
