How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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