I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
