i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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