Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
