Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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