Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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