So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
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walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
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I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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