I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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