The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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