You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
