Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Text me some of your sweat
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
