wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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