After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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