He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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