Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
