I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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