I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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