so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
