i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
