he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
