Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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