My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Alive.
So much puke
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize