Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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