i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
