Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
