can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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