Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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