i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
