Midget sex pt 2 tonight
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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