I wanna passion pit in your ass
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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