so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
