plz talk dirty to me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
