i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
