Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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