I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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