Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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