having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
this boner is exhausting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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