5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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