Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
