I murdered the dance floor call the cops
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I still have a little drunk in my system
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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