Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
