If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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