you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
