I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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