holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
