Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
