you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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