It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
