Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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