Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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