Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
