rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
