there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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