i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
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So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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