I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
