she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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